FOOTBALL FREE SUNDAY

February 6th, 2010

 

RNI shall be all new and ALL LIVE, as I step behind the big microphone once more to regale you with whatever I deem appropriate, as we ignore the Stupor Bowl and bring you another 2 or 3 hours of talk to tame your pre Monday blues.

I advise you join us at the usual links, with our pre-game music interlude at 7:30 ish Eastern Time, and then your EXTRAVAGONZO, straight up at 8 PM.

See you on the radio.

John L

PS: Thanks to the Big Guy, most of our programming archives are back on-line for your listening edification. Luxuriate in downloading them as desired.

 LISTEN LIVE LINK: http://johnlightning.com/webcast/

CHESTY McCLEAVAGE ANNOUNCES CANDIDACY FOR NEW YORK SENATE SEAT

February 1st, 2010

(Special to 11L/RNI)

Chesty McCleavage, international porn star, perhaps most famous for her role in Stephen Sploogberg’s infamous five boner suck and sleaze classic ‘BRABREAK MOUNTAINS’, announced her intention to throw her 48 triple D’s in the ring, and run in this falls New York State Senate race.

Born in Juggsville Arkansas, and now residing in California’s Silicon Valley, Miss McCleavage said that she was encouraged to run after witnessing the come from behind victory of Republican Scott Brown in Massachusetts. Mr. Brown much like Miss McCleavage, has been a person used for gratification purposes, having once posed nude for Cosmopolitan magazine.

‘I think, er, like the people of New York, er, the state, need someone like me to, like, shake things up’, she said, while thrusting her rack of renowned at reporters, causing an eye injury to an AP photographer.

‘I’m like, the breast candidate for the job’, she said with a Palinesque wink, continuing, ‘unlike most politicians who just fuck people in public, I know what its like to get fucked in public’.

When one reporter asked her just what her credentials to run for the Senate seat were, she replied ‘Are you blind hon’?

When another suggested that her planned move to New York City’s Tenderloin District would make her a carpetbagger, a charge also levied at Tennessee congressman Harold Ford, who is considering running for the same seat, Miss McCleavage replied ‘Er like I’m no carpetbagger, actually I’m more of a carpet muncher’ an obvious reference to her movie role opposite Clitoria Whole, starring as sappho sisters in the 2008 lesbian adventure ‘Return to Hootersville’.

Asked if she could identify the capitol of New York State, she heaved her chest forward and said ‘Duh, that would be the Pussycat Lounge silly’, which prompted much laughter from the assembled media. Keeping her composure she then said ‘Lookit, I can take on big… issues, and like, I’m a lot easier on the eyes than that dykie lookin’ bitch Kirsten Gillibrand.

Despite the derisive treatment from the press, Chesty had her share of supporters carrying signs, including ones proclaiming “Chesty 2012 in the Ovals Office’, ‘Put Chesty under the big top’, and ‘Chesty’s the one… or is that two?’

11L/RNI ARCHIVES DOWN

February 1st, 2010

Due to the proverbial ‘Circumstances beyond our control’, the Radio NewYork International archive of past programs and our web stream are temporarily unavailable.

A hardware failure at the site of our server has resulted in the loss of that drive. Hopefully all the files are backed up as they’re supposed to be, and will be available again within a few days. We shall keep you posted.

Hollywood Eager to Finally Fuck Up Catcher in the Rye

February 1st, 2010

HOLLYWOOD (The Borowitz Report) - Just hours after author J.D. Salinger passed away at his New Hampshire home on Wednesday, Hollywood studios were salivating at the chance to finally ruin his masterpiece, Catcher in the Rye.

“If we are fortunate enough to acquire the rights to Mr. Salinger’s book, we pledge to stay faithful to the spirit of Catcher in the Rye,” said Dougy Binstock, a producer at Columbia Pictures. “And the best way to do that is by producing it as a rock opera.”

But even as Mr. Binstock was bidding for the rights to produce a film he hopes to call Phantom of the Rye, Mindy Hammerfur, an executive at Paramount Pictures, said that she thought Salinger’s book was “seriously in need of a reboot.”

LIVE FROM BROOKLYN, IT’S RNI

January 31st, 2010

While I drink excessively this evening, a decidedly more sober Dave the ‘Boogie Man’ will be in to provide 3 hours (plus a spectacular pre-game show) of music that normally gets shuttled to the rear of the radio bus.

Well that will not be the case tonight. GOOD MUSIC reigns supreme as Dave trots out lots of your future favorites, and a tune or two you may actually be familiar with.

Be here for the Pre game festivities commencing on or about 7:30 eastern time, as Brother Dave delivers choice quality cuts from his rather large collection of dusty discs and moldy MP3 files. As usual, your attendance is mandatory… or you can expect a visit from my ‘associates’ Vito & Tony Spacheem… capiche?

WERE ALL DOOMED!

January 25th, 2010

Can this thing transport me out of here? by  

 by John Lightning

 Things have gotten mighty desperate at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. The bloom is definitely off the Rose Garden, and the stumbling black Jimmy Cater we know as Obama has been plucked from between the thorns of our economic collapse and endless war to wilt, while his fellow Dems run for cover.

Right out of the gate, Obama made the foolish decision to advance a Health care plan as job 1, while millions of Americans were losing their jobs and defaulting on their loans and homes.

Along with them the Democrats are realizing they too are about to lose their jobs, as they’ve defaulted,  on the promise of change, which seems likely to insure their unemployment.

It’s all about jobs stupid, and as required as a comprehensive workable national medical care plan is for America, it is way down in the the pecking order of immediate importance when the real percentage of Americans left with little to do but watch daytime judge shows nears a once unfathomable 20%.

The big business-banking bailout that seemed to be a possible stop gap solution to our economic slide, has proven to be every bit the disaster it obviously is. Americans are understandably pissed at having given billions to corporate entities that have responded by saying ‘up yours’ to the people by investing virtually none of it in creating jobs, or loans for the people, but instead slapped us hard across our collective face with multi-billion dollar handouts to CEO’s and other executives.

We witnessed the arrogance of these freebies to the already uber-rich, observing angrily, as the very people who helped create this mess rewarded themselves by the billions for doing so. Allowing these financial grifters to fatten up at the public trough without imposing any restrictions on how they would be allowed to spend this largess from amiable ol’ uncle Sam, was a mistake the president and his party will pay for, as they should.

A year after making history, Obama’s karma has tanked. No amount of carefully constructive verbiage, no ornate oratory can cover up the mistakes made. Words alone will not save him now. Empty words equal a year wasted and a second wave of financial despair may be looming. Wonder not why disaffected and irate voters are likely to reject the new same old same old, as their disgust for the inaction in Washington builds.

Obama’s cautious, considered approach to governing would normally be a good thing, except, well, now is not the time for that approach to work. Boldly decisive action is required, and we have saddled up to a donkey that is tepid and tame, one unlikely to propose anything as bold as say, real wealth redistribution, or a WPA styled jobs program to put Americans back to work. Those whose battle cry is ‘Screw Wall Street, save Main Street’ are all too correct!

The bail out turned out to be a ponzi scheme orchestrated and paid for by a compliant government seeking only to satisfy the needs of it’s corporate enablers. The false front provided by the ginned up stock market ‘recovery’ will soon be exposed for the obvious ruse it is. No longer can the Dems pin the blame on Bush. It is time to pin the blame on the party of the Donkey and hold them accountable for a year wasted, for stealing our trust as surely as the Bernie Madoff’s of the financial world stole the money entrusted to them by credulous people.

Our bailout has yet to arrive and I doubt the check is in the mail. Debt relief  for the common man is what we need, heck even debt forgiveness. We ‘forgive’ debt in foreign countries regularly, to the tune of countless billions, yet struggling citizens here in the land of the fee are hardly astonished to know their government will stick a shiv deep in our depleted bank accounts, forgiving us not a dime while the robber barons who so graciously loan us ‘their’ money, do so at usury interest rates.

Our trust squandered once more, Americans will now seek refuge in any alternative. Suddenly the political future of such cyphers as the intellectually incontinent Sarah Palin, heck even a Cheney acolyte with a pickup truck newbie such as Scott Brown seem assured. We are grasping at political straw men and women and why not when the current regime is failing us so badly.

As the useless wars wage on and we come to terms with a diluted health care bill that like the bailout primarily meets the needs of Big Pharma and it’s corporate pallies, we face a future as uncertain as my ability to get laid…okay even more uncertain than that!

Voters, told they must accept a health care plan they have to buy by law, are simply saying no way fucko, and rebelling as best they can. Come November, the depth of the peoples outrage and vitriol, would become even clearer.

It is not only so-called tea baggers that are distraught and fed up with the direction were heading. The working class union members that once formed the backbone of the Democratic party, have belatedly come to the conclusion that they have been taken and will seek new con men to be had by. We are on the precipice of collapse without a plan for a good revolution in place.

Perhaps Obama may pull a rabbit out of his pork pie hat but I severely doubt it. I am chagrined and chastened to say, that we were fooled again, well at leat I was, trying a relatively untested new face who has awarded us with his wishy-washy non-combative styled presidency, which has turned out to be exactly what we don’t need and cannot afford.

Having catered to industry and the banking lobby, and having barely done anything of value to pull us back from the financial abyss, we the people can only bide our time until we get the chance to throw the bums out, our gut telling us, that whoever we replace them with, are likely to be bums too!

So long as the rich keep amassing more riches, while we flounder along, wondering if we can survive these perilous times, the Dems are doomed and the one term wonder in the Oval Office is sure to be remembered as not just our first black president, but the one who failed to move us towards getting us back in the black.

Bin Laden Claims Responsibility for Balloon Boy Hoax

January 25th, 2010

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - One day after claiming responsibility for the Christmas Day underpants bomber, Osama bin Laden appeared in a new terror tape today in which he claimed responsibility for the Balloon Boy hoax that held the nation spellbound last year.

“The so-called Balloon Boy claimed that he ‘did it for the show,’” a stern-faced bin Laden says on the tape, which surfaced Sunday morning. “In point of fact, he did it for jihad!”

In the somewhat rambling tape, Mr. bin Laden spends 45 minutes claiming responsibility for other things, including the massive Tylenol recall, John Edwards’ illegitimate baby, the Detroit Lions’ NFL season, and Johnny Lightning’s lousy sex life.

SUNDAY NIGHT WITH LIGHTNING

January 23rd, 2010

Wow, do we have a show for you this week!

Actually that should be, Wow… do we have a show for you this week?

I’ve been busy working late, sleeping later, and watching America collapse all around me, and  well… that has taken up the rest of my time.

So what to discuss this week? Oh, how about the idiots who have affected my life, our failing president, Scott Brown’s ascendancy to power, the Leno-Conan farce, some silly railroad tales, advertising in America, and of course one very interesting Supreme Court decision.

That alone should keep us busy and hopefully will, as I’ve got just about ZERO production in the can… so we shall chat for an hour or two, maybe three with your assistance.

We shall have an OPEN PHONES EVENING, asking you to call in any time and face off with me, or help me out as we parse and dissect the issues of the day.

As usual our exclusive little chit chat club begins chatting for real at 8PM Eastern time, with a pre game ramble starting about 7:30.

Your appearance is as always, MANDATORY, and be sure to have a friend or 12 check us out. Anyone looking for topical talk and more, needs only use the link below to access the fully rock hard, blood engorged radio show, you know as The A Little Bit Of Everything Radio Extravagonzo!

 LISTEN HERE: http://johnlightning.com/webcast/

Court decision opens floodgates for corporate political spending

January 22nd, 2010

As we shall discuss the SCOTOUS decision that many hail as a victory for real free speech, and others decry as as the Dread-Scott decision of the two thousands, I suggest you read the article available below, which gives a good overview on this critical story.

By Kenneth P. Vogel
Thursday, January 21, 2010 for POLITICO

The Supreme Court-on Thursday opened wide new avenues for big-moneyed interests to pour money into politics in a decision that could have a major influence on the 2010 midterm elections and President Barack Obama’s 2012 reelection campaign.-

The long-awaited 5-4 decision overruled all or parts of two prior rulings by the court that allowed governments to restrict corporations and unions from spending their general funds-on ads expressly urging a candidate’s election or defeat. But the decision upheld disclosure requirements for groups like the one that brought the case.
The decision,-handed down in a special session of the court, is generally expected to boost Republicans more than Democrats, because corporations and corporate-backed outside groups tend to align with conservatives and also often have access to more money than unions or liberal outside groups.

“No sufficient governmental interest justifies limits on the political speech of nonprofit or for-profit corporation,” Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote for the majority.

In a stinging dissent, Justice John Paul Stevens wrote that the ruling “threatens to undermine the integrity of elected institutions across the nation. The path it has taken to reach its outcome will, I fear, do damage to this institution.”

Read the full article here: http://www.mysouthwestga.com/news/story.aspx?id=405144

A Fault Is Not a Sin

January 19th, 2010

dumb ass

It’s idiotic to blame anything other than geology for the Haitian earthquake.

By Christopher Hitchens

On Nov. 1, 1755—the feast of All Saint’s Day—a terrifying combination of earthquake and tsunami shattered the Portuguese capital city of Lisbon. Numerous major churches were destroyed and many devout worshippers along with them. This cataclysmic event was a spur to two great enterprises: the European Enlightenment and the development of seismology. Voltaire and Jean-Jacques Rousseau were only some of those who reasoned that no thinkable deity could have desired or ordained the obliteration of Catholic Lisbon, while other thinkers—Immanuel Kant among them—began to inquire into the possible natural causes of such events.

Today, we can clearly identify the “fault” that runs under the Atlantic Ocean and still puts Portugal and other countries at risk, and it took only a few more generations before there was a workable theory of continental drift. We live on a cooling planet with a volcanic interior that is insecurely coated with a thin crust of grinding tectonic plates. Earthquakes and tsunamis are to be expected and can even to some degree be anticipated. It’s idiotic to ask whose fault it is. The Earth’s thin shell was quaking and cracking millions of years before human sinners evolved, and it will still be wrenched and convulsed long after we are gone. These geological dislocations have no human-behavioral cause. The believers should relax; no educated person is going to ask their numerous gods “why” such disasters occur. A fault is not the same as a sin.

Read the complete article using the link below:

http://www.slate.com/id/2241877/